Video 2 –
What is the Ego?
Finding the "I"

To "let go" of the ego,
we first need to find it.
Here's how.

T he importance of letting go of the "ego" has been discussed by spiritual teachers through the ages. But what is the ego, and how do we find it? This segment explores a simple and direct way to discover our "ego" in the moment.



  • Jennifer deGandt

    March 4, 2014

    I like the “I” definition I would add the me,me,mine sensation which has a definite K of holding on to something.

    • Connirae

      March 10, 2014

      Yes, I agree. I think it works best to start simple. With the ‘i’. It seems to be the most significant contraction for most people.

  • hagai sofer

    March 6, 2014

    i have diffculty as so many times. i like the concept but stuck in the foundtaion – frostrating

    the ere is a move in my body in the lips in the stomach but what r we speaking off realy?

    what of those or from others is the I that you are seeking that i will find?

    • Connirae

      March 10, 2014

      Keep going, hagai and I think it will become clear.:)

      • Connirae

        April 5, 2014

        Hagai, let me know if it is becoming clearer to you. I think it will be especially useful to watch and listen to more of the demonstrations. From what you are describing, for you there may be lots of reactions and ‘i’s happening very quickly. (the one that is confused, the one that has expectations, the one who wants to understand it (conceptualy?), and perhaps more). You don’t need to understand it all at once. In fact you may not ever understand this process in the same way that you have probably understood most things.??? If you want to learn the process, the key is to begin exploring & experimenting and experiencing. The more you do this, the more you will begin to get the feel of the process. You may start noticing subtle shifts in how you experience, (in contrast to “understanding” something). I’m guessing it might work best for you to begin by finding the ‘i’ who wants to understand, or the ‘i’ who has expectations, as you were already speaking of.
        One option to keep in mind is that it can be easier if you find a trained guide to work with who can track things for you.
        However, if you are a little persistent, and watch the whole training, I’m guessing you will find a ways to begin the process that begin to work for you.

  • Antonio Perez

    April 13, 2014

    Interesting way to find what can be known as the ego. As I’m typing this I’m aware of the sensations in my chest and arm. Its almost like if I was wearing a heavy lead protective shield you get when getting an x-ray. It also goes a bit to my lower back. Kind of a heavy, dark and spongy feeling.


  • Steve Cowie

    April 28, 2014

    The I and ‘Sense of self’ description works for me. A viceral node in the lower chest around the point where the breastbone is located, with a fuzzy outline with a more definite centre.

  • Donald Pelles

    May 1, 2014

    This is my second time going through this training and I have been using it with myself and clients, but this i has not really changed from before. At first it seemed centered in my upper chest but then extending up into the lower part of my head. It is roundish (the part in my head) and dark-orange golden, looks and moves like flaming – the boundary is little spikes or tongues – but it is not hot. It is very, very old.

    • Connirae

      May 17, 2014

      Don, I’m glad you’re going through it a second time. So much good can come of continuing with it. This ‘i’ that didn’t right away dissolve is probably a very significant one. Since it remains, I would explore responses to it. Notice subtle reactions,etc. This becomes easier to notice as you’ve working with the process on other issues already. Let me know how it goes.

  • Ria Cherie

    May 17, 2014

    I experience my ‘I’ as pink-white-yellow in the front half of my entire body in the shape of a skinny vesica piscis. It’s energetic center moves/undulates between my voicebox, 3rd eye–well, I guess it shifts between my chakras if I think about it. Interesting concept–looking forward to the next steps.

  • Sean Corvin

    October 29, 2015

    I recently wrote this poem which I hope describes the awareness and impact of all these different I’s in my life

    It’s called: If only we knew

    What would happen if only we knew
    To observe ourselves guessing
    What would we do
    How do you feel about not feeling what’s true
    In a world of uncertainty there’s nothing but you

    The doors of perception are closing on me
    There’s nothing else left here nothing to see
    But if I step through now who will I be
    And how will I know that it’s really me

    Reality’s distorted nothing gets sorted
    Lost in a sea…those I’s drifting along
    Which one will I be is not up to me
    Every wave of emotion surging within
    Empowers a proxy persona non grata
    That they think’s me
    Buffered together by an almighty calamity
    This just might be my personality

  • Alistair Horscroft

    May 1, 2016

    I think there is a significant distinction between the psychological use of the term ‘ego’ and the spiritual use.

    Psychology encourages the development of a healthy ego, meaning a healthy sense of self. Hence ego strengthening exercises.

    The spiritual ego is more of the narcissistic sense of self, the self as the central aspect of importance. This self importance and ‘I’ over ‘other’ or I more important than other, leading to the famous separation.

    Some spiritual paths recommend the development of a healthy psychological ego before attempting the dissolution of the spiritual ego.

    Enjoying course so far…

    • Connirae

      May 9, 2016

      Yes, Alasdair, both psychological and spiritual understandings of ego have been primarily conceptual. What we’re going to do in this training is explore a specific and experience-based “definition” of “ego”.

  • Tore Svartjung

    June 22, 2016

    It’s been interesting to experience experience after watching this video. This is a very quick way to get a larger, present moment based, sense of self. I feel how bodily aches are quieting down a bit and I relax into this moment. And I don’t really find a spatial place that is the I. I can imagine it being somewhere in my brain. But at the same time there isn’t much “there”. Working with ACT, I give meaning to this right here as a way of connecting an internal experience with “nothing” (more or less). And how that transforms the meaning of that specific internal experience (stomach ache, tense shoulders, the experience of self, etc) into connection with “nothing”.

    I – wait a minute, that is hard to use right now. This could easily become the basis of how I would meditate. And reflecting on that, in this moment this process gives rise to a thought that this process is extremely high in hierarchy of a psyche.

    In ACT there is a concept of self-as-context. In the history, leading up to this moment, there has never been a better experiential showing of that concept. I deeply appreciate this and look forward to the rest of the course. (In this moment, I-ing was quickly there while future-framing.)

  • Barbara Sweet-Hansen

    December 19, 2016

    It is a presence in the plexus… I sense “I”, as a presence. I notice a sensation. Not necessarily an articulation… its a presence. a feel good presence.

  • Ole

    January 7, 2017

    Have been using this technique for some days (definitely an eye opener… “I”-opener 🙂
    Amazing like core transformation is and maybe even more…
    But I keep having trouble with one thing.

    The problem is step 3B,C.
    I have no problem finding an “I” but asked to perceive it seems impossible. And if it could be perceived it cant be an “I”, since the perceived cannot be the perceiver.
    Although I can identify the location from where I am perceiving, so that I know where “I” am, trying to see/feel that “I”, is like if somebody asked me to watch my own head. Not possible! If I step back, so my head does.

    So I get puzzled when somebody describes an “I” in front of them as a form with colours etc. How can a location I am looking *at* be experienced as me who is looking?

    Is the answer that “I” leaves behind it an after picture that is looked upon by the broader awareness….?
    It is like a koan to me, like “what is the sound of one hand clapping?” (hm…that koan is much closer to my problem than I first realized: What is the (sensory quality) of the one that is perceiving?

    (The process works for me anyhow so far, as I just drop step 3 B,C and instead sense the contraction from inside of the “I”. Like a fist that cannot grab (or look at) itself, but it can sense itself from the inside and loosen up, that is how I get around it)

    • Connirae

      January 7, 2017

      Ole this sounds like you are doing/experiencing it the way it is meant to be experienced. I’m glad it is working for you. Different people do experience it differently at the beginning, and many people are not “associated into” the ‘i’ that is perceiving. This is in part why finding the chains of ‘i’s makes the work more impactful, as we learn to do later on in this training. But it is usually best not to over-think it, especially at the beginning.
      Thank you for your comments! – Connirae

  • Ole

    January 16, 2017

    Thanks, Connirae, for clearing that up. I am now almost though all the videos (I watch a little bit at a time and then practice to make the most of it, as it seems that for now there is no further training to get online, hope it will come).

    When working with the “chains of i´s”, will one typically be associated into the final “i”, the one that perceives all the other?

    I just had a very satisfying integration, after struggling with a part that didnt want to let go. What I did was just keep on looking for another “i”, and each new “i” was just 1 mm behind the former one, and this went on, I think maybe 8-9 times! (there was no effort in it) I intuitively knew that if I just continued I would at last reach the “final” “i”, so to speak. And I had the feeling of now being associated into “i”…and it integrated by itself.

    Who is it that is looking for and finding the “i” ? Since you always type “i” with lower case, could it be that there also is a (capital) “I” ?
    In Voice Dialogue there is a term “The Aware Ego”, which is not a “self” (what you call an “i”), but a process that sort of make use of Awareness. In the almost similar Internal Family Systems (IFS), it is called “the Self” and in Inner Relation Focusing (IRF) it is called “Presence” and in ACT it is called Self as Context. It seems to me that in the midst of all the “i”s there is a constant sense of Me/I (with no real form or location) that are experiencing all the “i”s and also experience Awareness. Seems very similar to Awareness, but awareness when it engages in life, takes part, are curious, have compassion etc.

  • José Figueira

    September 4, 2017

    Hello Connirae
    I have a question about the “I” concept.
    Lucas Derks talks about:
    • Sensation of me (that accompanies me in life and that takes a specific form by context)
    • The kinesthetic self (the solar plexus)
    • The self-image
    • And there is still the connection between the point in the body (kinesthetic self) and the self-image.
    Although the most interesting is the experience, I am curious about the relation of this concept of Lucas to the concept in the Wholeness Process.

    Thank you,
    José Figueira

The Wholeness Process / Unit A / Video 2 – What is the Ego? Finding the 'I'