Video 8 –
What Usually Happens

Three Ways the Transformation
Usually Happens.

Everyone is unique, yet there are three typical ways people experience this process.

  1. The response dissolves and melts.
  2. The response flows through or blossoms through.
  3. The first response dissolves, and a second response emerges. This second response is often an “opposite” of some sort to what you were working with. So if you were working with anger, you might experience fear or hurt. Connirae describes what to do if this happens.

Next Connirae sets up the group to do the exercise in pairs. We encourage you to pause and do this exercise at home, using the detailed handout provided. (The handout is with Video #6.) If you’re going through the program with a friend, you can guide each other in the exercise.



  • christophe dierckx

    May 4, 2014

    Hello Connirae, Thank you for sharing / teaching the process.
    During the process you work with the submodalities of your client.
    What happens if your client has difficulties to describe the submodalities?
    Most people with an NLP background know this quite well, but not everyone is this experienced.
    What is your experience?

    regards, Christophe

    • Connirae

      May 5, 2014

      Christophe, so far I’m finding that it is just as easy for people without any NLP background as for those with. But then I don’t use words like “submodalities” and I think that makes it easier. I just use ordinary words like “notice where it is located” and anybody can notice that. Then, (to get a little more technical, and you can ignore this if you are reading this and you don’t have NLP background) while we could call this submodalities, with this process we’re using the experience in a different way from usual NLP submodalities work, and I think it is something different. We’re not finding a “coding” to map across or change or utilize in any way. We’re just noticing direct experience and especially sensation quality. Is it heavy? dense? open, etc. What we are attuning to is something a little less “formed” than when we are doing submodalities work and making sure we have all the submodality attributes. It’s possible that it may be easier to have a more complete experience with this method if you aren’t even thinking of it as submodalities, but more as sensation quality. I’m curious, if you experiment with this, does this make any difference for you?


    May 15, 2014

    Have used the process with great success, however the topic that I am trying to resolve seems never ending . I do the process, clear the energy, then there is more energy to clear. Did this for 2 hours without any improvement in fact felt more grief. Any advice greatly received. Thank you

    • Connirae

      May 17, 2014

      Hi Stuart Paul, I’m glad you checked in about this and here are several ideas for you. It sounds like you’ve picked a really core issue to work with here. Since you are working with this on your own, I am thinking it will probably be best to work with more minor issues first. This will both be easier to do, and also is likely to clear many of the layers away that are now all coming up around the issue you are attempting to process.
      Another thought is that if you are experiencing grief, it may be useful for you to first use the grief process (It’s in the book, Heart of the Mind, and there’s a good video demonstration of the process at Click on the yellow “Classic NLP Video and Audio” tab on the left, and the title is “Resolving Grief.”) This method is very useful for resolving grief. I would use it first, and then use the Wholeness Process with anything remaining.
      The third thought is that sometimes when we are working with our most core issues, and these are different for each person, but what’s in common is that to really resolve these in a lasting way usually does take working with multiple layers in our mind/body system. It can be a gradual process of shifting over time. Sometimes the first layers we work with have been put in place to keep us from experiencing a strong emotion of some sort. These protective layers create inner division (and are at a cost). Yet then when they are successfully integrated, we have more access to the feelings themselves (in this case grief). If someone is guiding you individually, you can move through these layers with this process too. The emotions, when integrated with this method, are very deeply healed/resolved.
      Since you’re working on your own with this, I am suggesting that you start with more minor issues first, to make it more likely you can complete this phase yourself. Another possible approach is to begin with the grief process and/or Core Transformation. Core Transformation is what I use with someone first if the emotional experience is more intense than they can comfortably work through with this process.
      Then after using CT, you can come back with Wholeness work to do what’s remaining.
      I think you will learn more that will be relevant to your situation as you continue through the online video course. Good Wishes!

  • Tina Aruta

    March 13, 2016

    Hi Connirae,

    It seems that, every time I locate the “I” that is aware of sensations, I always locate it somewhere within my head. Within the space of the head, usually behind the forehead or behind the eyes is the area with which I identify as “self” or observer.

    Without my assuming this is this right or wrong, is it possible for someone to always come up with one location? If so, does that make it more challenging to dissolve/integrate the “I” permanently with sufficient practice?

    Thank You for your help!


    • Connirae

      March 14, 2016

      Hi Tina, Many people do find the ‘i’ in the same place at first. The “permanent dissolving” happens most easily when you know and use more of Wholeness formats and principles. Continuing to practice with the first methods are helpful for this, but the process is expedited when you add in more of the formats and principles. They’re coming up.:)

  • Zen

    December 7, 2016

    Dear Connrae,
    I am stuck in multiple “I”s. I find always a new I and also the following one does not dissolve. Normally I find about 3 to 5 Is and than it jumps back to one of the prior ones – and so it goes on until I give up. What can I do to come to dissolving one of these Is?

    • Connirae

      December 7, 2016

      Hi Zen, Given you’ve already tried this on your own and it hasn’t happened easily for you, the easiest and most sure way of getting results would be to work with a guide. This could either be as part of a live training, where we have trained assistants and I am the backup, or working with an individual coach. (If you work with a coach, it would probably be important to have someone with a lot of training in Wholeness Work.) In a live situation it’s a lot easier to sort out what might be going on. From your writing, I’m not sure what is happening when you describe “it jumps back”. And live it is much easier to see what’s going on. Most likely there is a “meta ‘i'” or “meta part” or “reaction” that is coming into play, and needs to be noticed, recognized, and included in the process. For most people who are just starting to learn the method, it would be too “mental” to talk about this at this point in the training. If you go farther in the online training, there will be more clues as to what might make a difference for you individually. (The parts on the authority process, and on working with reactions, in particular, may be helpful.) But if you find it frustrating to go through, this would be another indication that it might work better for you to find a very skilled coach. (This would be a coach who has participated in a minimum of 3 different Wholeness trainings (each training goes differently), and who also has the advanced Wholeness training days–Days 3 & 4.)
      The background from this online training DOES make the coaching process go faster, because certain “experiences” and frames are already there. If you want a referral to a skilled Wholeness coach, you can email me at “order [at sign] realpeoplepress [dot] com, and I will give you several options.

  • DavidChard

    October 17, 2017

    The collective beliefs we hold unconsciously work to ‘narrow down’ our experience, labeling, categorizing, judging, evaluating, interpreting.
    This narrowing-down creates the contraction of attention leading to the body experiences we don’t like. Resistance is futile! What I like about this process is the non-judgmental approach which ‘invites’ us to relax back into awareness of the whole of our experience and has the almost magical effect of releasing us from the prison of the beliefs from which the ego operates. The go gets a bad rap! It is only operating from the beliefs we created, doing its’ best to ‘protect’ us from perceived dangers. The ego is not the enemy! In reality, it doesn’t exist! But it believes it exists and its’ positive intention is to keep us safe from harm. We set it in motion at an early age when we encountered trauma for which we were unprepared. It will out-persist all our efforts to eradicate it. It is like the Japanese soldier who persisted in fighting WWll on a small island for 25 years after the war was over. It doesn’t realize that the perceived “threat” is a fiction. And it will keep fighting until it realizes that the war is over. It has a built-in perception that it must defeat the ‘enemy’ out there. So we have these reactive ‘upsets’ which keep us from the experience of peace. Using the Wholeness Process is like re-educating the mind to realize that there is no enemy, we are safe and it’s OK to engage with reality as it ‘is.’ The Wholeness Process invites the mind to relax, expand and release the contracted focus of attention which keeps us in suffering. That is my understanding and my interpretation. And, in NLP terms, it is the realization that we have adult resources to deal with anything that occurs in our experience and we don’t need these limiting beliefs to protect us. The war is over, when we notice that we are not under threat.

  • DavidChard

    October 17, 2017

    The ego gets a bad rap! Sorry for typo!

The Wholeness Process / Unit B / Video 8 – What Usually Happens