Video 13 –
Experiences, learnings & observations.
The group reports their experiences with the exercise, opening the door to some interesting learnings and observations.
"When listening as Awareness, I felt less empathetic, but I could recognize more emotions that were changing (in the other person)."
Those talking about emotionally charged issues noticed…
"When I wasn’t being fed by the other person’s emotional response it was difficult to keep going."
After dissolving the 'I', there is a sense of presence that is compassionate without having to do anything or fix anything.
When listening in our usual mode, as an ‘I’, we usually listen with certain “should’s” — I should be helpful, I should be compassionate, etc. Often we want the other person to notice that we are compassionate or helpful, too. When the ‘I’s are dissolved, we are just listening as presence. We don’t need anything from the other person. They have complete freedom.
Q: Can we do this in the moment?
A: If easy and natural, why wait. If it seems difficult to do that, then do wait and take the time to do it more systematically (so it can again be effortless).
Be sure to check out the section at 3:45 where Connirae talks about what’s different about listening as an ‘I’, vs listening as Awareness.
Also the section at 4:40 about how it can be confusing at first to listen as awareness — and what happens if you hang in there and let yourself actually do it.
Discussion Points in this segment:
- Eckhart Tolle story (11:32)
- Be aware that dissolving one "listener" can reveal another opposite mode. This is the other "side" of an inner polarity which also needs to be dissolved to experience listening as Awareness. For example if we dissolve one 'I' that gets pulled in emotionally, it may reveal another 'I' who tends to back off and distance itself emotionally. When both are noticed and allowed to dissolve, we can be present as Awareness.