Video 13 –
Sharing Experiences

Experiences, learnings & observations.

The group reports their experiences with the exercise, opening the door to some interesting learnings and observations.

Listeners noticed…
"When listening as Awareness, I felt less empathetic, but I could recognize more emotions that were changing (in the other person)."

Those talking about emotionally charged issues noticed…
"When I wasn’t being fed by the other person’s emotional response it was difficult to keep going."

More Observations:
After dissolving the 'I',  there is a sense of presence that is compassionate without having to do anything or fix anything.

When listening in our usual mode, as an ‘I’, we usually listen with certain “should’s” — I should be helpful, I should be compassionate, etc. Often we want the other person to notice that we are compassionate or helpful, too. When the ‘I’s are dissolved, we are just listening as presence. We don’t need anything from the other person. They have complete freedom.

Q: Can we do this in the moment?
A: If easy and natural, why wait. If it seems difficult to do that, then do wait and take the time to do it more systematically (so it can again be effortless).

Be sure to check out the section at 3:45 where Connirae talks about what’s different about listening as an ‘I’, vs listening as Awareness.

Also the section at 4:40 about how it can be confusing at first to listen as awareness — and what happens if you hang in there and let yourself actually do it.

 Discussion Points in this segment:

  • Eckhart Tolle story (11:32)
  • Be aware that dissolving one "listener" can reveal another opposite mode. This is the other "side" of an inner polarity which also needs to be dissolved to experience listening as Awareness. For example if we dissolve one 'I' that gets pulled in emotionally, it may reveal another 'I' who tends to back off and distance itself emotionally. When both are noticed and allowed to dissolve, we can be present as Awareness.



  • Eric Robins

    May 13, 2016

    finally understanding this at a deeper level and, OMG, wow !!
    So thankful for these teachings Connirae.
    Noticing the kinesthetic of the “I” in the body, then allowing this to flow and expand as awareness.
    I used to have so much facial tension after a day in the office seeing patients, presenting the “I”. Can finally start to do something about this

  • Tore Svartjung

    June 26, 2016

    So I’m going through the video course over the course of a few days and will probably stretch it further. I’m on a four weeks leave from my job and have time to look at this from the lense of being home with my wife and toddler. I’m glad you included this exercise even though I don’t have a partner to do it with (toddler needs attention). Still, I can notice the effect that this video and my trials with the process is giving me. I find that I listen to my wife in a different way just now. I listen without getting hooked in, I can listen more intently and I don’t have a horse in the race, even if it’s about her and me. I’ve seen similar changes when doing workshops in relational therapy, but this is very precise at the level of awareness or as a defused (not as verbal) I. I notice that I get more humor into our interaction and have less competition about things that can be important to the both of us. And at other times, I find myself being a bit more pro-active on what I want and express it more clearly than I do at times.

    Although, I don’t think that I’ve experienced the process of the kinestetics of the perspective “I” very thoroughly yet. I’ve tried using this “awareness of the observer – spatially” for people around me and they also seem to have a difficulty in finding it. I notice that it’s easier for me to go for a mental understanding of the I – which has been very productive. But I don’t find that it is something that melts into awareness. Rather that it disappears or get far away from some kind of level of awareness. This might have to do with prior training and that I don’t grok this protocol just yet.

    I hope that my description here might be of use to someone else after me. I’m enjoying this journey and chronicling some parts of it.

  • DavidChard

    March 28, 2018

    A sense of presence where both “I’s” disappear and there is only ONE experience happening. Wonderful to me.

  • DavidChard

    March 28, 2018

    And: very liberating to be out of the role of an “I” that is supposed to do something beyond simply being present and sharing the experience.

The Wholeness Process / Unit C / Video 13 – Sharing Experiences