Video 41 –
The Separation that Matters


In this segment...

In spiritual circles there is sometimes discussion of the separation people experience between themselves and others, and between themselves and the world. Oneness is the disappearance of this separation. Learn about the most fundamental separation.

And after completing the course, if you have feedback about it you can email us!



  • Jan Heinrich

    March 8, 2014

    This is Jan’s husband, Wal. I was going to make a serious comment about how fabulous this course is, how much we have learned, how much we have achieved in this short time from doing the exercises with each other. However, so often when we do these exercises, those characters our ‘I’s have been interacting with turn into children playing, playing at seriousness, playing at mothers and fathers and so on. It’s all PLAY!!! isn’t it? Suddenly, this wholeness process reveals that life is about playing our roles! It dawned on me a reason why Connirae repeats the word ‘play’ so often in this video. Thank you, thank you, thank you, Connirae, this game you have taught us is lots of fun!

  • Danny Saunders

    April 7, 2014

    When these inner divisions fall away there *is* a sense in which a person becomes ‘not separate’ from a chair. The laws of physics still apply, yet there is a falling in love with things as they are. In this sense, I experience myself as one with the chair just because I no longer feel myself to be ‘divorced’ from it, needing to get something more from it. “Chair, be more than what you are, for then I will be happy!” The chair is no longer one symbol (in a world full of such symbols) of my poverty of love. I think perhaps when people say “I haven’t got it yet, because I’m still separate from the chair”, that is sometimes an accurate description, in this sense. And also, as you say, the statement may also come from the expectation that reality is supposed to implode in pink vapours at the moment of awakening. And that expectation may come from a literal reading of all of the literature which describes enlightenment in terms of parable, because parable seemed to be the only option to describe it …

    If there is a forum for participants of this course, I would like to explore more about creative ways to share this stuff with people who may never have thought about egos, awareness and awakening, contractions, dissolving and melting etc – even where they may have experienced, to a small or great extent, what these terms refer to.

  • Jan Heinrich

    April 20, 2014

    This is Wal, Jan’s husband. Connirae, is there an age limit for this? In other words, is this process suitable for children? If children who are still in the process of working out who they are and how they fit in the world dissolve the ego, is that going to be beneficial for them or not? If not, at what age does it become beneficial?

    • Connirae

      April 23, 2014

      Hi Wal, I haven’t guided any children through the process, yet, so I can’t speak from direct experience. In general, if the child is both interested in doing the process, and also is able to easily understand and follow the steps, then I think it will be fine. With different children this will happen at different ages. With a child I wouldn’t call it “dissolving the ego” because that introduces a concept the child doesn’t need. The entry point might be if the child wanted a way to relax better, or sleep better. Or if the child wants to feel better about something, for example is being teased, or etc. However, its really important with children not to impose our ideas of solutions on them. If we understand the method well enough, and have good enough rapport with the child, that we can offer it in such a way that the child really wants to explore it, then it can work well. I’m guessing that most kids 9 or 10 or older will be able to easily follow the steps. Possibly more easily than we adults. Knowing how to guide will make a difference though. It takes some “set up”. The dissolving of the ‘i’s is a natural process that “wants” to happen every night when we go to sleep anyway. So it will be fine for the child’s development. The main issue is engaging the child’s experience in a way that feels natural to the child. Otherwise we would inadvertently create more layers for the child, not less. (i.e. an ‘i’ that is annoyed at being forced, an ‘i’ the feels like it can’t do it right, etc.) With younger children it might be possible to put the process in simpler form into a bedtime story. Then the child isn’t on the spot to have to respond.

      • Jan Heinrich

        April 28, 2014

        Thank you, Connirae, your message is very helpful.

      • Samantha Kifer

        July 19, 2014

        I would be curious about applying this to children as well. I think it might make sense to come up with a simple way to educate kids on the basic underlying principles first… the idea or feeling of Awareness, and then the idea or feeling of internal Separations… and how cool would it be to grow up as a child PRESERVING the sense that you ARE the Awareness/Consciousness (like they already knew as babies)… meanwhile all of us adults who have come before FORGOT this because the other adults we learned from were acting from their inner Separations and so we learned to create inner Separations as well.

        WOW. All I want to say about this training course is that I find it to be PROFOUND. I feel I’ve only touched upon the tip of the iceberg with where this could go (and with what I’ve absorbed, so I am very glad to have access to the videos so I can refer back to them as I continue using the process). I feel so fortunate to have found The Wholeness Process and I look forward to following you, Connirae in wherever this may go in the future. I know with these processes there is always an ongoing evolution or unfolding, and each training is different from the last. I look forward to continuing this journey and path! And having FUN along the way!

        • Connirae

          July 23, 2014

          Thanks Samantha, for your comments.:) You’re right that it is continuing to evolve and unfold, with each training different. I continue to find it so much fun and continually deepening.
          About children. This is such an interesting area. And such a useful question to hold, as parents or grandparents, of “How can we allow children to continue to experience that they ARE the awareness, even as they go through the useful and necessary process of learning what they need to learn to be functional in the world.” I think that the forming of the separate ‘i’s is not a problem, either. It’s all a lovely part of the way we human beings unfold. The ‘i’s form, and then there is the possibility that they can dissolve back as consciousness.
          In general, the separate ‘i’s get “stuck” in their form in response to judgment. So the more we can find our own places of judgment, and allow these to integrate, the more we can be this kind of pure presence in the lives of our children. And it’s interesting to realize that if we tell our children “you are really this vast consciousness”, it’s possible for this to come across to the child as another “should” or obligation. It can so easily become another ‘i’ that forms to try to meet the adult’s idea of a “better” them.
          I feel that the more I do my own inner work, this is always what makes the biggest difference.

  • Andrew Murphie

    July 6, 2014

    I just wanted to say a big thank you for this course. It’s been very helpful to me, very enjoyable, and your teaching has been very generous.

    • Connirae

      July 10, 2014

      Andrew, thanks so much for taking the time to let me know!

  • HelenDavies

    October 19, 2017


    Thank you for this course, it was wonderful.

    One question though, I was reading and studying your Core Transformation book, and then found this course because I was looking for some on-line training. (I didn’t get the core transformation training because it’s on DVD and I don’t have a DVD reader anymore1)

    Does this process replace Core Transformation and if not please can you tell me how I decide whether to use CT or the Wholeness process?

  • Connirae

    October 19, 2017

    Hi Helen,
    I’m so glad you’ve found it useful and accessible!
    To answer your question about Core Transformation. At first I was wondering if Wholeness Work would replace Core Transformation and be “all people need.” But I fairly quickly realized Core Transformation is a very important companion method to Wholeness Work. Because they work so differently, each helps people “know” different things in their experience.
    If you are wanting over-all personal evolution, it almost doesn’t matter which life issues you work with using Core Transformation and which with Wholeness. I have worked some issues in myself using both. Most people find the easiest sequence to first use Core Transformation, and then use Wholeness Work. Core Transformation helps people get more out of Wholeness Work. But it’s totally fine to do it in the other order too. With some clients I’ve started with Wholeness Work, then shifted to Core Transformation for a while, and then returned to Wholeness Work. And the Wholeness Work is usually deeper at this stage.
    I always start with Core Transformation if I’m working with major trauma or abuse. (It’s “safer” and extremely gentle.) I think in working with health issues, it is also helpful to begin with Core Transformation. With almost any major life issue, it can be helpful to begin with Core Transformation. There are a number of reasons for this. Core Transformation uses content and meaning to get to Core States that are quite profound and quite “positive”. This can be easier for people at the beginning. CT often gets some large shifts quite quickly. Core Transformation also helps people to know “in their experience” that every aspect of ourselves, even problem behaviors, have something valuable within them. So CT helps people “know” it’s not about getting rid of anything, it’s about integrating. After this their unconscious is more prepared for how integrating works via Wholeness Work, and able to flow with it.
    I hope this helps. As an FYI, we are working on creating an online version of the Core Transformation training too. As a small company it might take us a while to have it up and running though.

  • HelenDavies

    October 22, 2017

    Thank you so much for this wonderfully comprehensive answer. I look forward to the online core transformation course. I’m also saving up for future European courses (I live in the UK)

The Wholeness Process / Unit I / Video 41 – The Separation that Matters